What is therapy even?
I’ll start with the therapist’s favorite answer - it depends.
It depends on what you need. Therapy can be a space for you to do some inner exploration to figure out who you are and who you want to be. It can be the experience of having someone help you process feelings that feel big and difficult to digest on your own. Your therapist can be a sounding board for working through challenging experiences or getting a different perspective on things. It can be a chance for you to vent about what’s stressing you out to a non-biased, non-judgmental professional.
A lot of therapy takes place through dialogue. There are modalities like collaborative language systems that view conversation itself as therapeutic, as it presents an opportunity to explore things and think about them in a new way. There are also various expressive therapies like art therapy or dance therapy, where emotional expression is not only done with words, but with movement or tangible media. The common element is the opportunity for the client to express themselves in a way that can be received by the therapist. The therapist draws from their own experiences as well as their training and intuition to take what the client is conveying and identify patterns, draw connections, offer interpretations, and illuminate opportunities.
A therapist who is non-pathologizing will focus on understanding your unique story and how you had to adapt to survive. They will not be focused on diagnosing you or trying to put you into a box. They will work with you to figure out which of your survival behaviors are no longer working for you, and what purpose they once served so they can be released with intention when you’re ready. It is worth noting that this non-pathologizing approach is a specific orientation, and many therapists integrate it with diagnostic frameworks required by insurance companies.
A relational therapist is active and engaged and pays attention to what is happening in the room to pick up on any clues that might be helpful for why you are seeking therapy. They view the therapeutic relationship as a primary tool for the client’s personal healing. We are taught in school that the best indicator of success in therapy is not the techniques used, or the therapist’s theoretical orientation, or what certifications they have, but the quality of the therapeutic relationship. This is why it is so important to find a therapist who is the right fit for you. If you don’t jive with them, how can you trust them enough to be vulnerable?
Therapy can be any or all of these things, and so much more. Therapy is deeply personal and ultimately, it’s up to you what you’re doing there.
